(in) my life (so far)

 

 

Atlas shrugged (© 1992 Amado M Mendoza Jr)

 

I.

my senior year

approaches

i’ll be

officially old

on the 8th

even if i really

aged so many

years before

aging through experience

not through years.

 

Author’s note:  Part I was composed four days ago.  All other parts were composed today, my birthday.

 

 

(Photo credits: Rob Ramos Go, UP Political Science Department)

 

II.

my boyhood

was quite short

my teenage years

were too

for reasons

quite familiar

i dropped out at 17

i was tortured and detained at 19

i was a father at 20

at one point

i was husband

student

father

office employee

underground political activist

so Rosalie could be happy

so Tricia will not starve

so my parents’ dreams

will be fulfilled

so my front was solid

so the dictatorship

could be fought

more effectively.

 

III.

i aged fast

at the time

when i have not

learned to forgive

my tormentors

at the military camps

in the university

forgiving does

not require

forgetting

first i thought it was

thus, my pigheadedness

when i decided to forgive

aging slowed down a bit

worry lines diminished

smiles started appearing

more often

i now appreciate

the bottom line

life is beautiful

and good after all.

 

IV.

 

as i survey

my life so far

i see that

i treasure most

the 40 years

i spent with Rosalie

 

Lovers on Sta. Lucia, Ilocos Sur beach (© 1994 Amado M Mendoza Jr)

 

 

 

 

those years

were tinged inevitably

with our political activity

those years were

also associated

with raising a beautiful family

amid underground work

and earning a living

i remember us

telling our daughters

we’re not going to buy them

imported toys

because we didn’t have the means

and because we loved our country

we had three daughters

and a son

because Rosalie insisted

and reasoned all the daughters

were mine anyway

she had to have a child of her own

thus Arlo was produced

according to instructions

of some ancient Chinese scrolls

change your obstetrician!

change the delivery hospital!

Tricia and Lorena

will graduate without a hitch

Sabrina will, but with a road bump

Arlo will get his diploma

in two weeks

’tis a pity Rosalie

can not join me on stage

to pin Arlo’s medal

as an honor graduate.

 

soon happiness

will arrive with the next generation

Tricia and Joey will get

married under the most

elegant and hilarious circumstances

an episode that deserves

a separate poem of its own

out of the union

came Xavier and Ria

Xavier became Rosalie’s favorite

while Ria was mine.

 

i think i am already 80

even if my body

has tricked itself

believing it’s not yet 60

the illusion aided

by years of running and exercise

and not smoking

i am the life of the party, at times

even without alcohol

or designer drugs

it’s the bipolar high

it’s the natural high

i am obviously

intoxicated

with love and life.

 

as i sit

in front of my laptop

composing this piece

listening to the Stones’

“Satisfaction”

through my earphones

how apropos

i will never be satisfied

i will never tire of life

how could i

with beloved relatives

and friends like you

i will milk life

dry to the bone

until it is

time for me to go.